‘Life is smiling at you’…I was told. Remembering it, I smile back at the glow stars twinkling on my ceiling. Artificiality serves to fulfill what life cannot give you in real. You just have to imagine…and life becomes what you want. It’s all in the mind. ‘All is perfect’...I muse. Perfect…even longing ness is.
‘Imagine..!’
The numerous stars on my ceiling join and break to give forms to my desires. A tree, a face, an animal….a rememberance..! They spread apart and stretch into the path we left untreaded that eveing. They close in again to form the untasted coffee sips that lay wasted when you left in a hurry that night. They tickle around to make words that you'd say and shatter again to show me how unsettled life is.But they are there..like before. And they remind me of you... your words...
"The night must be beautiful with them no..?" ...Only if it had you here [how i wish these words had voice back then]..!
Memories...yes, there are memories keeping me awake.
A turn. My bed creaks. Visions change like life itself. And all that your eyes had been seeing a second before, gets lost. The stars vanish, i see the peepul tree outside my balcony, impatient with the harsh blow of wind. As if it wriths in longing ness for something it is not sure of . Freedom...death...company...belongingness..?? What..? I see its unease every night as it silently howls with the wind. "It's a tree...don't heap your social complications on this senseless thing!!" Complications! We humans often think eveything is as complex and dissatisfied as our desires are.
Every change leaves a certain nothingness, a void.You realise it only when you begin to act again. This is just what happened tonight. I just acted, i just wrote..! I gave words to all that i had been feeling for several nights. I crushed no more sheets, scribbled away no phrases. I simply wrote, wrote all that came into my mind. I came in terms with the void that lay within. I now know what i feel.
It'll strike 5:30 soon. I like the feel of mornings. The chirp, the freshness. Peepul [my lonesome tree] stands composed and motionless, as if it felt nothing last night. Huh! Stoic it is..!
The stars on my ceiling camouflage with the wall. Just how these secret emotions become one with my public self. They do not exist for the day, I'll invite them over for another night of sleeplessness. For now,its day again. Tme for happiness, cheer, satisfaction and thanks giving. And why not it be... Life is smiling at me!!
