A COLLEGE OUTCASTE

“No ... absolutely not what I had expected! Mom...I somehow hate college...!”. I wrote in the first mail to mom after 8 long months of coming to Delhi. No! I never posted her mails. My phone calls always said that the college was good. It was Miranda after all, something which was too big for a small Towner like me. I never considered myself able enough to afford the hype Miranda, the name itself had.
To all my acquaintances around I was a lucky intelligent girl, born out of an intelligent parentage. My parents back in the home town were the proud parents of an able girl, basking under the attention of the inquisitive neighbours, who were all praise for me. Petty things like how I helped them manage the community’s kids at their baby’s birthday party to how my yearly school notes were helpful for their daughter; all would be counted...as if such incidents formed the stepping stone to where I was today. For my kith and kin, the achievement was great and I was still a favourite despite turning my back to the clichéd professional options of medicine or engineering. All was great....so where did the problem lie????
The problem lay in me....and it still does. College still seems to be an illusion, a black dark veil which would soon be lifted and I’d be in a better world which has place for me. The ‘better world’ is unknown to me. It’s not my school, not my home, not a place I have ever visited. I don’t miss school. I don’t crave to contact my long lost friends. I don’t long to visit the school corridor and church. I don’t desire to have another forty minutes of lecturing on “modest girls” from my favourite teacher. But again....I want the old me back.
College...I struggle here to be noticed. The girls around are con artists who claim to be the closest friends ever on face and at the same time hide the notes under their t-shirts so that one may not catch a glimpse of that extra luck that has been bestowed by the seniors upon them. I talk about men and listen to the gibberish about their weekly crushes, even though that’s the thing I greatly loathe(those puky boyfreind experiences they tell me)..!! Going to the library each time would be stupid. I don’t want to be tagged ‘a nerd’ when I am not one. So I have to survive here in this loathly environment where nothing interests me. One and all around are the same....men, food and cell phones make their world. Maybe, I have something different that composes my being...something else that defines me......and I am still searching.
“.....I know mom, you’ll call up tomorrow and tell me that I must concentrate on my studies, pay no heed to the friends who affect me adversely, find ways to keep me busy.......and I will tell you that I am fine...my college is great. This mail was nothing but a mood swing. I have great friends, nice teachers, good studies........ And so much more...”
But Mom...only if you knew what that ‘so much more’ was..............