Hopeless for a thing unknown. No goal. No want. No need. No desire.
Only one feeling...a strong emotion...of losing something big. Its not you ..its not me...its nobody around. Its just something very integral to me.
I wish not to tell you...for i don't really know
.Its unhappy...its gloomy...its sad...but yes, its not what it was. Its nothing that has ever happened. I have not known this feeling before.
I'm restless...you won't understand, coz you don't know...life has been happy for you, coz i have always been there. You have never felt this helplesness,coz i never made you feel it. I have remained a friend...a real one!! You too have...but a friend of this age..of today..of this hastily changing world...you can't be the way i have always been coz you know how to be selfish...something which i could never learn.You are a better person...god's favourite...destiny's child....i am not...i am only one of the many around.
God is not happy with me...for i am not a loyal one. I forget him when he makes me happy and curse him when i am sad. I don't worship him...so he will let me go. Go away from his clutches...to the dark land of mirth. I will be gone soon...gone to an unknown land. I will be here, right here..in front of your eyes...yet i will be gone and you won't even know.
You dont' know what i wish to say...but i know how strong it is...this desire to be free.. this desire to not be sad...this desire to break away.
All my actions look senseless to me today..i am wishing upon a flying plane...a flying bird. I dont recognise it...yet i am wishing upon it...knowing it well that i will never see it again. Birds have a tendency to move...keep moving...they are not static...they dont' have permanent homes.But they are god's creatures...He sees them..and he sees me too!! We may be one someday...someday...in His eyes.
I may sound senseless...i have no sense...this void, they say , makes everybody numb...but yes, it soothes me.
These figures in black ink...calm my thudding heart. Every figure...sends a vibe...a vibe of calmess. I wish words were always this soothing.
I am sad. I can sense it. But i don't need you...don't need anybody. It is a good state. It makes me turn inwards to explore, to analyze...and then something from within creeps to see the world outside. To see and compare. To compare and be sad again.
I know not what i write...but this senselessness makes sense. These words that don't intend to console...alleviate me form some heaviness. I don't know the reason of my sorrow and these words don't know their intention either.
